2014 - Week 7

A delayed Apprentice catch up, as I was on my holidays last week.  Fortunately, this did not involve a coach trip to Blenheim Palace to learn about Henry VII ‘growing apart’ from Anne Boleyn, before being forced to listen to a comedy routine about a blocked coach loo.

You're fired: Lauren, for fussing around but doing nothing of substance – or so her team j’accused her.  Did they not see her amazing “Thanks Mom” acting?!

Lucky escape: Where to start?  Well, Pub Quiz Daniel, for his continued delusions that he has any level of competency to display.  And Australian Mark – he’s still smooth as ever, but he did screw up the advertising task, despite being in advertising.  Well, ‘advertising’.  (If I understand correctly, he’s the guy who’ll sell you a sponsored search link.)  And James, of course.  Yes, he came up with Big Dawg (oh America, really?), but he continues to be SO ANNOYING.

Eye on the prize: Roisin showed more common sense than the rest of them combined when she announced “Sanjay, if you listen to anything James says, you’re a fool”.

Next week: Something about selling farm animals to the lovely folk of the Wez Cunree.

2014 - Week 6

You're fired: Pamela 'P.Uddin' Uddin, for ignoring the market research that Dungeons and Dragons fans didn't fancy the look of a Take Me Out style dating game.  No over-complicated rune dice, no deal. 

Lucky escape: Bianca, after ignoring the might of Waterstones and offering exclusivity to a tiny shop in "West Minister”. Non-Londoners can be forgiven for some quirks of pronunciation in the capital, but not when it’s the fairly-well known location of our flippin’ parliament.  Also BIANCA IS FROM LONDON.

Australian Mark's mantra of the week: “It's hard being a rocket surgeon when you're an eagle on a board game of turkeys”.  Or something.

WTF? James, the business world's Dapper Laughs, PMed his way to a win.  Then again, so did Hypnotherapist Sarah and Pub Quiz Daniel... 

Next week: A trip to New York and the chance to humiliate themselves on a whole new continent.

2014 - Week 5

You’re fired: Jemma Bird, despite her excellent hair, red lippy and specs combo.  Her main error was lack of Felipe fun facts about things like sheep in Oxfordshire.  She also hadn’t bothered Wikipedia-ing Henry VIII, so just mechanically read out dates and had to tell a tour group that he and Anne Boleyn had “grown apart”.  Wolf Hall it was not.

Lucky escape: How bouffant-haired idiot James survived is beyond me!  There was MUCH swearing at the telly when he was sent back to the house.  I think Lordsiralun realised he’d fired most of the TV gold candidates last week, so has to hold back the particularly incompetent likes of James and Daniel, so they get maximum comeuppance when they are inevitably fired in the weeks to come.

Lady Brady: Poor, poor Karen. No paycheck is worth being trapped on a coach with James yelling One Man Went Tut Mow, before announcing that someone had done a massive floater in the bogs.

Delusion of the week: Just so many... Like James (him again, oh yes) trying to wangle a tour ticket for 20p and some cheeky chappy 'charm'.  But I especially enjoyed Felipe’s belief that their yellow tour guide waistcoats and ties made them look like “the crew of a very expensive airline”.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Even Michael O’Leary would raise an eyebrow at that one.

Next week: Sexist boardgames, by the looks of it.